Trigun: Vashís Punch-Out!!

This story was created by Cl0vis15:

(Please note that this takes place after Meryl realizes that Vash is who he says he is, but before they meet Wolfwood. Also, if youíre watching the legal copies of Trigun instead of illegal ones, you donít even know who Wolfwood is because Volume 3 hasnít been released yet.)

(Show scene of a cliff overlooking a city. A man walks up to the cliffís edge and stares down at the city below. On each hand he is wearing a boxing glove. He is also wearing one of those bathrobe like jackets that boxers wear. On the back of it is written the name ĎJeromeí in block lettering. Behind him stand two thugs.)

JEROME: Ah Vash, so at long last I catch up with you. You two are to find Vash and bring him to me.

THUG-1: If heís in there, weíll find him and bring him back!

THUG-2: Why do you want him boss? Youíre rich, you donít need a Sixty Billion Double Dollar reward! What has he ever done to you?

JEROME: In the ring I am the greatest the universe has ever seen. (Jerome poses as the background changes to one of a boxing ring, Jerome stops posing and the boxing ring disappears.) Yet I am not the greatest man alive, they claim this Vash can destroy entire cities single handedly. If I am to be the greatest man alive, I must beat such a man! Now go, Iím not paying you by the hour yíknow!

(Cut to scene of a western-ish looking restaurant. Inside sitting at a table is Vash and Milly.)

VASH: Canít I have any privacy, donít you ever go to sleep?

MILLY: As official agents of the Bernardelli Insurance agency we have been assigned to keepÖ

VASH (In a whiny tone): Donít give me the speech again! (Normal voice) Iíve heard it a hundred times by now, the company you work for is mad that they have to shell out money to the cities that happen to get damaged when Iím in them. Youíre supposed to keep me out of trouble.

MILLY: Please donít sound so mean about it Vash. Meryl told me to keep an eye on you while she wrote up the report to send back to our boss.

(Cut to scene of Meryl and Millyís apartment at the local inn. Meryl is sitting at a desk diligently typing away at a typewriter as she writes up the current report on their mission to keep Vash from causing liability damage. As she typed, she spoke what she typed.)

MERYL: ÖSo I end this report saying that although we have finally identified the legendary gunman, known as Vash the Stampede, I would like to say from personal observation that he causes very little property damage himself. He does however get himself into numerous situations in which others cause property damage while trying to kill him and collect the reward on his head.

(Meryl pulled the paper out of the typewriter and put in an envelope for mailing later on. She then put the typewriter in her suitcase, which was sitting to the right of the desk.)

MERYL: I wonder if it was such a good idea to leave Milly in charge of watching Vash. Iíd better go check on her, I just hope he hasnít gotten away already. Heís such a pain to have to repeatedly track down. That, and we look bad when we fail to stop him from causing damage. (sigh) I still canít believe that such an utter idiot like him is actually Vash.

(Fade back to the restaurant. When Meryl walks in, neither Milly nor Vash are there. Meryl watches as Milly walks into the restaurant carrying a box of donuts.)

MILLY: Vash, Iím back. Uh, Vash? Whereíd he go now?

MERYL (screaming): Milly, I canít believe you let him out of your site! Now heís gone and weíll have to find him again! What do you have to say for yourself?

MILLY (on the verge of crying): Iím sorry Meryl. Vash gave me ten double dollars and told me that if I bought a box of donuts heíd share them with me! He said heíd wait here while I went and bought them. (Milly breaks out crying) Iím so sorry!.

MERYL: Milly, please donít cry. People are starting to stare at us! Now címon, letís hurry up and go find Vash before anything gets destroyed.

(Fade to scene of Vash running down a street of the town.)

VASH (ecstatic voice): Oh man! I thought Iíd never lose her! Now all I have to do is find a bar and relax! (Vash stops suddenly and looks to the right) What the?

(A man is standing on top of a building holding what appears to be a rocket launcher. He is pointing it downwards at Vash.)

THUG-1: Ah, so there you are Vash! Jerome will pay me well when I bring you in!

(The man pulls the trigger on the launcher and a net flies out. Vash back flips out of the netís way. The net instead raps itself around a black cat that just happened to be walking by at that moment.)

VASH: Is that the best youíve got? I really donít want to fight you, so can we talk about this over a drink? Iím willing to buy andÖ OUCH! (Vash feels the back of his neck to find a dart sticking out of it.) Why do I feel so tired all of a sudden.

(Another man walks out of an alley behind Vash holding a dart gun.)

THUG-2: The great Vash the stampede shot in the back of the neck, pity that wasnít real ammo instead of just a sleeping dart. I personally think the boss is a little daft wanting to meet you and all, but that really doesnít matter. Like it or not youíre coming with us.

VASH (trying to hold gun straight as he points it at the man with the dart gun) : Iím not going with anyone, you should all know better than to pick a fight with the great Vash theÖ (passes out and collapses as the sleeping dart takes full effect.)

(Fade to a scene of Vash sleeping on a bed. Standing next to the bed is Jerome)

JEROME: Wake up Vash! Or do you prefer Vash the Stampede as the media prefers to call you?

VASH (incoherent): Mommy, I donít wanna ride the marry-go-round!

JEROME (screaming): I said, ďWAKE UP!!!Ē

(Vash jolts to a sitting up position in bed.)

VASH: Iím up alreadyÖ wait a second. Howíd I get here?

JEROME: Youíre here because I wanted you here! Despite what all the movies say, good help is actually very findable these days. Youíve probably heard of me before, in the ring Iím known as (Jerome makes the same pose seen earlier in the story) ďBOXING GLOVES JEROME!Ē. (pose ends) Iíve defeated every single man I met in the ring, and now I challenge you to a boxing match.

VASH (whiney voice): Canít this wait? I was on the way to the bar to get a drink! If I take the time to fight you, those insurance girls will find me again before weíre done. Theyíre no fun, and they follow me everywhere!

JEROME: If these women are that annoying, Iím surprised you havenít just killed them. That sixty billion double dollar bounty on your head isnít there for nothing. So tell me, who was your first kill?

VASH: To be honest, I donít believe in killing. I believe a gun is a tool, and when used properly can get the job done without causing someoneís death.

JEROME: I donít have time for this. Just get in the ring behind me and put on the boxing gloves you find there. Oh, and donít mind the man with video camera, heís from pay-per-view. People are gonna pay a lot of money to see the galaxy famous boxer beat the crap out of the legendary ďVash the StampedeĒ.

VASH (scared half to death): Canít we work something out? I donít know how to box!

JEROME: Well then, I guess my fists are about to give you a crash course!

(Fade to a scene outside the building that houses the boxing ring. Meryl and Milly stand outside the building exhausted from having searched all over town for Vash.)

MERYL: I guess weíre going to have to face the harsh reality, he jumped town without us. (Looks over to Milly) Have you been carrying that box of donuts with you the whole time?

MILLY: Technically Vash paid for them, so I thought that maybe heíd be hungry and want them when we found him.

(At this moment in time both Meryl and Milly turn as they hear a scream come from within the boxing ring coliseum standing to the right of them.)

VASH: Hey! Could you try to not hit me so hard when you do that?

MERYL (excited): He hasnít left the town yet. This will assuredly save us the time it wouldíve taken to figure what City he might be heading for next.

MILLY: He didnít sound too happy Meryl. Do you think heís in trouble?

(Fade to scene of the boxing ring. Jerome hits Vash with an uppercut. Vash stumbles backwards into the ropes.)

JEROME: You might be an ace gunman, but youíre on heck of a lousy boxer. Guess I might as well finish you off here. For a pay-per-view fight this is all kind of disappointing!

(Meryl and Milly come running in.)

MILLY: Leave him alone!

JEROME: Hey you two, get out of here. If you want to see this fight, then youíll have to buy it on pay-per-view later on like everyone else. (Turning back to Vash) Now where was I? Oh yes, Iím about to throw the punch to end your miserable little life. Youíre gonna die like the loser you are!

(Milly pulls out a giant chain gun from under her dress. Now you might ask how she could even conceal a giant chain gun under her dress. Just remember, this is anime, and in anime women can carry anything under their dress. She pulls the trigger of the chain gun and a long tube shoots out. The tube split open to form a metal cross. This cross was designed not to hurt someone, but to knock them down. The cross knocks Jerome clean out of the ring when it hits him. A referee runs over to Jerome and begins to count.)

REFEREE: 7Ö 8Ö 9Ö 10! The winner by KO is Vash the Stampede.

VASH: UhÖ Well, Iíd just like to remind everyone watching this on pay-per-view something we must never forget! (Makes peace sign with right hand) This world is made of ďLove and Peace!Ē Everybody repeat it with me now, Love and Peace, Love and Peace, Love and Peace.

(Fade back to a scene of the restaurant. Vash, Meryl and Milly are all sitting at the same table. Vash is stuffing himself with donuts from the box that Milly had bought earlier.)

VASH: Iím really grateful for you saving me back there and all. Is there any way I can repay you?

MERYL: Actually there is. How about you stop trying to run away from us every chance you get, that would make our jobs infinitely easier! How about it?

VASH (holding crossed fingers behind his back): Uh, okay. I guess itís the least I can do.


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